I recently observed a grandparent and parent shopping with a toddler, who was seated in the child seat of a trolley in the snack aisle.
The grandmother picked up a packet of sweets and asked the toddler if she would like them. The child happily agreed—these were clearly a favourite. The adults then kept the sweets in hand, explaining that they needed to pay before she could have them.
The packet stayed in full view as they moved through the store.
Not long after, the toddler began to cry. The crying grew louder and turned into a full tantrum that continued all the way through the checkout queue. By the time they paid and quickly opened the sweets, the child had lost interest. The moment had passed—but not before drawing the attention of many shoppers and leaving the adults visibly uncomfortable.
What Might Have Helped
Sometimes, a small shift in how we set things up can make a big difference.
As adults, we enjoy treating children—and that’s perfectly okay. But young children do best when those treats come with clear and simple boundaries from the start.
In this situation, the expectation could have been set before the sweets were taken off the shelf:
“Would you like your favourite sweets? We can get them, but we’ll only eat them after we pay. Is that okay?”
If the child agrees, they begin to understand the condition attached to the choice.
Young children are far more capable of understanding and following simple rules than we sometimes assume—but only if those rules are clearly communicated.
Out of Sight, Easier to Manage
Another small but important detail: visibility matters.
For a toddler, seeing something desirable but being unable to access it is incredibly difficult. Waiting becomes much harder when the object is constantly in sight.
In this case, placing the sweets out of view—for example, behind the child in the trolley—while calmly saying:
“I’ll keep them here until we’ve paid.”
…could have reduced the intensity of the situation.
This is not about denying the child—it’s about making waiting manageable.
An example…
You may have come across popular social media videos where a parent places sweets in front of a toddler and says something like:
“These are for both of us. I’m just going to the bathroom—please wait for me to come back before we can eat them together.”
The parent then leaves briefly, and the video captures whether the child waits or gives in.
Interestingly, many children do wait.
Not because they have perfect self-control, but because the expectation was made very clear from the start. The child understands what the rule is, what is expected of them, and that the adult will return. That clarity makes it easier for the child to attempt to manage themselves.
While these videos can be insightful, they can also be misleading if taken at face value.
Children who “pass” are not necessarily more disciplined, and those who don’t are not misbehaving. What we are seeing is just one moment in a much bigger developmental journey.
Why This Matters: A Note on Self-Regulation
What we often call a “tantrum” is usually a child struggling with self-regulation.
Self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions, impulses, and behaviour—especially when things don’t happen immediately. It includes skills like waiting, coping with frustration, and shifting attention.
For toddlers, these skills are still developing. The parts of the brain responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation are not yet fully mature.
So when a child sees something they want and cannot have it right away, their reaction is not deliberate misbehaviour—it is a reflection of their developmental stage.
As adults, we support self-regulation by:
- setting clear expectations
- reducing unnecessary temptation
- using simple, consistent language
- and helping children wait in ways that feel achievable
A Gentle Reminder
Communication and thoughtful planning can go a long way in preventing distress—for both children and adults.
Sometimes, it’s not about saying “no” to the treat.
It’s about how and when we say “yes.”
